So, I met this girl awhile ago, she ended up finding out I loved her, and I admitted it. But, I also told her that I can't date till I am 18, just to honor what my parents have set in place. She says that's fine, but she goes and gets another boyfriend, and it destroys me inside everytime she tells me about it. Of course, I lie and say I'm happy for her just to see her smile...Given the chance i'd lie again...I don't know what to do. ><
P.S I know this isn't some dating site, but I don't really have anyone to tell this too. >< Sorry!
I can't believe you're not aloud to date till you're 18, that is just bad parenting! Take a serious talk with them, and ask them to meet her, and if this girl is not a complete jack-ass, I'm sure you can talk your parents to allow you to date a few years earlier than ..ordered by them.
Also, you are without a doubt the oldest child in your family
I can hear you, man. A little more than a year ago, I had to break up with my girlfriend of three years because I was leaving for college. As if the separation wasn't hard enough, she decided to come down and meet me at college, just when I had finally convinced myself that I was moved on. Several weeks later, I find out from her best friend (that went to the same college as me) that she was engaged to someone she had met and dated for two weeks. It's not the fact that she's getting married that hurts (it would sting a little bit, but I understand that she needs to move on as badly as I did) as much as the fact that two - three months after our THREE YEAR LONG relationship ended, she got married after a TWO WEEK relationship to some guy that had just randomly moved into town.
If this isn't enough, she then messages me and says that she wants us to still be "friends" and to still "hang out". Is it just me, or is it a little creepy to be hanging out and actively seeking attention from your ex after you got married? It takes me another 4 - 6 months to tell her to stop talking to me. It was like every time I got over it, she would turn up in my life again just to drive the knife deeper. One day, she even showed up OUTSIDE MY DORM ROOM WHILE MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND IS ALSO IN THE ROOM.
So yeah, I don't want to call her up and vent on her to tell her to get the eff out of my life and unload everything I know think of her because out of respect for what we used to have I genuinely want her to be happy. Sorry for the rant, guys. I just feel like this needs to come out every once in a while or its going to kill me.
Oh, and by the way, I later found out that a few months after they got married, she was "great with child". Draw off of that what you will.
So, I met this girl awhile ago, she ended up finding out I loved her, and I admitted it. But, I also told her that I can't date till I am 18, just to honor what my parents have set in place. She says that's fine, but she goes and gets another boyfriend, and it destroys me inside everytime she tells me about it. Of course, I lie and say I'm happy for her just to see her smile...Given the chance i'd lie again...I don't know what to do. ><
P.S I know this isn't some dating site, but I don't really have anyone to tell this too. >< Sorry!
It's certainly commendable that you are honoring your parents (after all, they are your parents, and they are paying the bills for you), but you definitely do have a right to discuss the matter with your parents. I agree that it does seem rather strict that they would forbid you from dating until you're 18, especially considering that you're a guy. But certainly go about it in a mature way. You need to show them that you are old enough and mature enough to handle a relationship responsibly, as that probably was the biggest factor in their decision to prohibit you from dating until you're 18.
If it doesn't work out... well, you tried.
This is advice coming from a recent college graduate who has been single throughout middle school, high school, and even college. So I know what you're going through (although I didn't have these restrictions). :P
Over the years, I've come to realize that now matter how much experience "parents" have, they are still just humans and it hasn't really been that long since they've had to face the same challenges that you face today. They were as confused and as clueless as you are now. And I'm willing to bet even after all the mistakes they made, they still haven't figured out the best way to have not made those mistakes. So the only answer they can come up with is to simply avoid the problem, with complete disregard to human emotion/values/morals.
Main point is it isn't them in that position anymore, and they wouldn't be able to live up to their own expectations in your shoes.
You're essentially paying for the mistakes that they made when they were young. Their attempt to prevent their children from going down the same path is honorable, but ultimately setting restrictions is a lazy way of dealing with the issue. If they have really wanted to give you advice worth listening to, then it would be in the form of an actual discussion of why they believe so firmly it would be a bad idea to date before 18. And if you had such an intellectual discussion, then you would've had a mature understanding of the situation, and be able to decide whether pursuing this girl is even worth it at your point in time.
All that mumbo jumbo aside, all they had to tell you was relationships in high school are very volatile. It's generally because people don't discover their true identity until college and onwards. People change very drastically during that transition period. My opinion is, It's only fair that you get to make those fun mistakes that your parents made, and it might even turn out completely different for you. Just don't bring any trouble home.
Besides, parents not letting you date isn't even a legit excuse, i can see why she moved on. You could've just had her as an exclusive friend that you bring home often. As long as you never make it official, you've never "dated" her. And no, this isn't bending the rules. And if your parents grow to like her, THEY will bend the rules for you. Rules that don't know how to evolve to fit the situation aren't worth following, because the creators of such rules didn't account for all possibilities.
There is some very good advice in this thread. Here's a little something extra:
Girls are not worth wasting your time on. Sometimes they are a nice distraction, but what's really important is focusing on the things you like to do and improving yourself. Being the best you can be will make you far happier than the occasional blowjob. Not to mention high-school, lovey-dovey, relationships often result in a mutually clingy existence where you ignore the rest of the world, and then when they end (often spectacularly dramatically), you realize how stupid you've been. Just be yourself, be the best you can be, and by the time you turn 18 the girls will be all over you and you can pick and choose at your leisure.
Not to say I doubt your feelings or anything, but if you love this girl and she goes off and dates someone else, then she is in no way worth it. Don't throw everything - or anything, away for some girl who doesn't realize what she has. There will be others and then others after them. The key is not to care about every female that bats her eyelashes at you, but just be aware and take what comes along the way when it comes.
you could find a loop hole... can you hang out with friends. Just hang out with a group of friends and go out on a group date or something.
Love is for suckers. After getting cheated on my friend gave me some valuable advice... M.O.B. Money over biZNICHES. It's better to focus on yourself and and what you are trying to accomplish in life. Finish school find a good job because ultimately females are looking for someone to take care of them or who has the ability to do so no matter how independent they are. In high school they are looking for a twighlight romance. However when they become older you have to pay the cost to be the boss. You can have all of love in your heart you want and even be good looking but if your broke as a joke and working at mcdonalds you aren't going to find a worth while woman. The point of dating is to see if that potential mate is worth getting married to. The fact that she dates other guys should be a clue. And that twighlight lovey dovey I just want to see you happy bullshit is ridiculous. It is quite obvious that she can not respect your feelings. You really shouldn't waste your time with her because females are a dime a dozen. You should just break off all contact. Ultimately it's not worth you obsessing and either getting into a fight with another dude over jealousy or to catch a R.O. and have a stalking charge. Her saying lets be friends is simply a way for her to say she is really not that serious or interested because she feels that she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
Honestly, your parents have the right idea. I would listen to your parents because family is important. Your family is looking out for your best interest. They will support you through school and in whatever you try to do.
You ultimately have 3 choices.
- Keep obsessing over this girl. That will drive you insane and while she is screwing around withe another guy. You be in jail or have a R.o on your record.
- M.O.B. Just say screw it have no contact with her whatso ever. No you can't be friends. If she had respect for your feelings and really loved you then she would wait. Going on dates is just a way to determine if the other party is worth getting married to. It seems to me that she is only interested in going out to have a good time. Depending on your morals and beliefs ultimately if its just physical attraction you can just be friends with benefits. Be a play boy and just hang out with females without getting into a serious relationship because ultimately unless you have a baby together (sometimes even if you do) the relationship won't last. Just have fun don't love them hoes. It's not worth your mental health. When your older and you have a decent career. They will be after you.
- Respect your parents wishes if you hold the same beliefs as them. Ask yourself? Why do you want to be in a relationship? Do you have enough money to support yourself and this potential mate? What happens if you have a baby? Will you be able to support it? Will you be able to deal with the consequences of going against your parents wishes? Are you ready for marriage? Are you ready or responsible enough to have sex and deal with the emotional baggage that will come with it at your age? If it's simply physical attraction, (pending on your morals) do you really need to form a serious relationship?
I remember myself in high school.... boobies boobies boobies and when I was a senior I finally... but that's aside from the point.
Ultimately you can post on these forums but the only one that can decide what to do is yourself. But I strongly urge you to take the M.O.B mentality which is the same view that your parents have focus on school then get out. When your on your own or 18 you can do whatever you want however you have to ask yourself are you ready for a relationship. In high school you should just have fun. That is what she is doing having fun hanging out with different guys... you dismiss her and have fun with other girls. Females are fickle and her standards will change when she gets older.
Parents not letting you date is bullshit. If you love someone, you love someone. Also, if this girls gets another boyfriend just because you can't date. Then she's not worth it at all, and it's best not to even try to get with her because it will end up terrible.
Wow, Michael gives some really realistic approach here.
Yea, if you dont have power, its like 5% chance that you will be happy in "love". Coz love "costs". Lose are not just feelings.
Its, responsibility, taking care of, changing schedule, earning, sharing and giving money, sex, emotions, feelings, nature of human being(meaning that usually each 3 or so, years specific person becomes almost different person), and many others...
So, its not just, "I love you". Its part of surviving and pleasure.
Quote from StatusQ3:
So, I met this girl awhile ago, she ended up finding out I loved her, and I admitted it. But, I also told her that I can't date till I am 18, just to honor what my parents have set in place. She says that's fine, but she goes and gets another boyfriend, and it destroys me inside everytime she tells me about it. Of course, I lie and say I'm happy for her just to see her smile...Given the chance i'd lie again...I don't know what to do. ><
P.S I know this isn't some dating site, but I don't really have anyone to tell this too. >< Sorry!
Get out there and french kiss another chick in front of her. What kind of bullshit is that, promising not to date until you're 18...
I think she's jealous. But if she isn't, french kissing another girl might make her jealous instead and you'll score...Or just confuse her, which is already better than letting her think you're some lame kid. (IMO, but then I just like drama)
She might also not care about you anymore or she might feel offended and she may have not been trying to get into a serious relationship, just something for fun until you're available. (But then I doubt it, girls under 18 don't do that, sorry, bud)
What is it with all this girl talk anyways in these forums?
So, I met this girl awhile ago, she ended up finding out I loved her, and I admitted it. But, I also told her that I can't date till I am 18, just to honor what my parents have set in place. She says that's fine, but she goes and gets another boyfriend, and it destroys me inside everytime she tells me about it. Of course, I lie and say I'm happy for her just to see her smile...Given the chance i'd lie again...I don't know what to do. ><
P.S I know this isn't some dating site, but I don't really have anyone to tell this too. >< Sorry!
Yep. Thats me. I've already talked to them many times.
Climb out your window
it's over. move on.
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I can hear you, man. A little more than a year ago, I had to break up with my girlfriend of three years because I was leaving for college. As if the separation wasn't hard enough, she decided to come down and meet me at college, just when I had finally convinced myself that I was moved on. Several weeks later, I find out from her best friend (that went to the same college as me) that she was engaged to someone she had met and dated for two weeks. It's not the fact that she's getting married that hurts (it would sting a little bit, but I understand that she needs to move on as badly as I did) as much as the fact that two - three months after our THREE YEAR LONG relationship ended, she got married after a TWO WEEK relationship to some guy that had just randomly moved into town.
If this isn't enough, she then messages me and says that she wants us to still be "friends" and to still "hang out". Is it just me, or is it a little creepy to be hanging out and actively seeking attention from your ex after you got married? It takes me another 4 - 6 months to tell her to stop talking to me. It was like every time I got over it, she would turn up in my life again just to drive the knife deeper. One day, she even showed up OUTSIDE MY DORM ROOM WHILE MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND IS ALSO IN THE ROOM.
So yeah, I don't want to call her up and vent on her to tell her to get the eff out of my life and unload everything I know think of her because out of respect for what we used to have I genuinely want her to be happy. Sorry for the rant, guys. I just feel like this needs to come out every once in a while or its going to kill me.
Oh, and by the way, I later found out that a few months after they got married, she was "great with child". Draw off of that what you will.
It's certainly commendable that you are honoring your parents (after all, they are your parents, and they are paying the bills for you), but you definitely do have a right to discuss the matter with your parents. I agree that it does seem rather strict that they would forbid you from dating until you're 18, especially considering that you're a guy. But certainly go about it in a mature way. You need to show them that you are old enough and mature enough to handle a relationship responsibly, as that probably was the biggest factor in their decision to prohibit you from dating until you're 18.
If it doesn't work out... well, you tried.
This is advice coming from a recent college graduate who has been single throughout middle school, high school, and even college. So I know what you're going through (although I didn't have these restrictions). :P
@StatusQ3: Go
If my parents told me I couldnt date till I was 18.... I would have laughed in thier faces.....
and then banged the fuck outta that chick
and that son, is how you get the girls that want it
I would have to say its time to move on.
You snooze you lose.
Women dont really care how you feel. If you cant give them what they want, they will find someone who can.
its a dog eat dog world.
Hopefully you can come to terms with your loss.
Over the years, I've come to realize that now matter how much experience "parents" have, they are still just humans and it hasn't really been that long since they've had to face the same challenges that you face today. They were as confused and as clueless as you are now. And I'm willing to bet even after all the mistakes they made, they still haven't figured out the best way to have not made those mistakes. So the only answer they can come up with is to simply avoid the problem, with complete disregard to human emotion/values/morals.
Main point is it isn't them in that position anymore, and they wouldn't be able to live up to their own expectations in your shoes.
You're essentially paying for the mistakes that they made when they were young. Their attempt to prevent their children from going down the same path is honorable, but ultimately setting restrictions is a lazy way of dealing with the issue. If they have really wanted to give you advice worth listening to, then it would be in the form of an actual discussion of why they believe so firmly it would be a bad idea to date before 18. And if you had such an intellectual discussion, then you would've had a mature understanding of the situation, and be able to decide whether pursuing this girl is even worth it at your point in time.
All that mumbo jumbo aside, all they had to tell you was relationships in high school are very volatile. It's generally because people don't discover their true identity until college and onwards. People change very drastically during that transition period. My opinion is, It's only fair that you get to make those fun mistakes that your parents made, and it might even turn out completely different for you. Just don't bring any trouble home.
Besides, parents not letting you date isn't even a legit excuse, i can see why she moved on. You could've just had her as an exclusive friend that you bring home often. As long as you never make it official, you've never "dated" her. And no, this isn't bending the rules. And if your parents grow to like her, THEY will bend the rules for you. Rules that don't know how to evolve to fit the situation aren't worth following, because the creators of such rules didn't account for all possibilities.
There is some very good advice in this thread. Here's a little something extra:
Girls are not worth wasting your time on. Sometimes they are a nice distraction, but what's really important is focusing on the things you like to do and improving yourself. Being the best you can be will make you far happier than the occasional blowjob. Not to mention high-school, lovey-dovey, relationships often result in a mutually clingy existence where you ignore the rest of the world, and then when they end (often spectacularly dramatically), you realize how stupid you've been. Just be yourself, be the best you can be, and by the time you turn 18 the girls will be all over you and you can pick and choose at your leisure.
Not to say I doubt your feelings or anything, but if you love this girl and she goes off and dates someone else, then she is in no way worth it. Don't throw everything - or anything, away for some girl who doesn't realize what she has. There will be others and then others after them. The key is not to care about every female that bats her eyelashes at you, but just be aware and take what comes along the way when it comes.
@onisagi: Go
Excellent insight
@Zero092: Go
Excellent insight
Can't date till you are 18? O_o My parents (dad at least) are always on at me to get myself a girlfriend.
OR you can just shut yourself in a room and play starcraft all day
you could find a loop hole... can you hang out with friends. Just hang out with a group of friends and go out on a group date or something.
Love is for suckers. After getting cheated on my friend gave me some valuable advice... M.O.B. Money over biZNICHES. It's better to focus on yourself and and what you are trying to accomplish in life. Finish school find a good job because ultimately females are looking for someone to take care of them or who has the ability to do so no matter how independent they are. In high school they are looking for a twighlight romance. However when they become older you have to pay the cost to be the boss. You can have all of love in your heart you want and even be good looking but if your broke as a joke and working at mcdonalds you aren't going to find a worth while woman. The point of dating is to see if that potential mate is worth getting married to. The fact that she dates other guys should be a clue. And that twighlight lovey dovey I just want to see you happy bullshit is ridiculous. It is quite obvious that she can not respect your feelings. You really shouldn't waste your time with her because females are a dime a dozen. You should just break off all contact. Ultimately it's not worth you obsessing and either getting into a fight with another dude over jealousy or to catch a R.O. and have a stalking charge. Her saying lets be friends is simply a way for her to say she is really not that serious or interested because she feels that she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
Honestly, your parents have the right idea. I would listen to your parents because family is important. Your family is looking out for your best interest. They will support you through school and in whatever you try to do.
You ultimately have 3 choices.
- Keep obsessing over this girl. That will drive you insane and while she is screwing around withe another guy. You be in jail or have a R.o on your record.
- M.O.B. Just say screw it have no contact with her whatso ever. No you can't be friends. If she had respect for your feelings and really loved you then she would wait. Going on dates is just a way to determine if the other party is worth getting married to. It seems to me that she is only interested in going out to have a good time. Depending on your morals and beliefs ultimately if its just physical attraction you can just be friends with benefits. Be a play boy and just hang out with females without getting into a serious relationship because ultimately unless you have a baby together (sometimes even if you do) the relationship won't last. Just have fun don't love them hoes. It's not worth your mental health. When your older and you have a decent career. They will be after you.
- Respect your parents wishes if you hold the same beliefs as them. Ask yourself? Why do you want to be in a relationship? Do you have enough money to support yourself and this potential mate? What happens if you have a baby? Will you be able to support it? Will you be able to deal with the consequences of going against your parents wishes? Are you ready for marriage? Are you ready or responsible enough to have sex and deal with the emotional baggage that will come with it at your age? If it's simply physical attraction, (pending on your morals) do you really need to form a serious relationship?
I remember myself in high school.... boobies boobies boobies and when I was a senior I finally... but that's aside from the point.
Ultimately you can post on these forums but the only one that can decide what to do is yourself. But I strongly urge you to take the M.O.B mentality which is the same view that your parents have focus on school then get out. When your on your own or 18 you can do whatever you want however you have to ask yourself are you ready for a relationship. In high school you should just have fun. That is what she is doing having fun hanging out with different guys... you dismiss her and have fun with other girls. Females are fickle and her standards will change when she gets older.
Good luck bro and remember Money over biznitches
A lot of you have really good advice. I guess that I should go the M.O.B way like michael said, after thinking about it for awhile.
Though Cbasz, sounds good. :P Too bad I have school.
Thanks guys. Such an utterly confusing situation. >.<
Parents not letting you date is bullshit. If you love someone, you love someone. Also, if this girls gets another boyfriend just because you can't date. Then she's not worth it at all, and it's best not to even try to get with her because it will end up terrible.
Wow, Michael gives some really realistic approach here.
Yea, if you dont have power, its like 5% chance that you will be happy in "love". Coz love "costs". Lose are not just feelings.
Its, responsibility, taking care of, changing schedule, earning, sharing and giving money, sex, emotions, feelings, nature of human being(meaning that usually each 3 or so, years specific person becomes almost different person), and many others...
So, its not just, "I love you". Its part of surviving and pleasure.
stop it with the fake sex threads on a sci-fi RTS fan-forum plzkthx
anyway, be happy xD shes just gonna cheat on you and rub it in your face "refers to other posts"
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