A marine, a drone and a zealot are all sitting at the bar. The marine grabs his glass of whiskey, skulls it down, throws the glass in the air and shoots it with his gun! The other 2 are shocked asking "Why'd you do that?" He responds "Hell on my planet of Earth, we've got so much sand, we can afford to waste glass!" They sit back down, when the drone picks up his cup made of rock with creep in it and crunches it between his teeth. "Heh, we have so much rock on my planet of Char, we can afford to waste it!" So just before they all sit back down, the Zealot stabs the drone, picks it up and flings it across the room. "What the hell was that for!?" Asked the marine.
The zealot responds "Well on my home planet of Auir..."
Dustin browder walks into a bar and starts a fight with an Ultralisk. He gets quickly beaten. A week later he picks fight with the same Ultralisk, but only suffers 1 point of damage. When asked how he did it he replied 'Ultralisks needed a nerf. How else was I meant to deal Terrible terrible Damage to zerg?'
I read one in the US battlenet forums which I found pretty funny:
A marine walks into the bar.
Surprised, he looks around and asks the barkeeper "Where's the counter?"
A barkeeper replies "There is no counter!"
For those who're not familiar with the US forum junk: There marine is generally considered imba by the Zerg fanboys. They say he has no direct counter.
A dude walks by his newly renovated favorite bar, sign says "All you can drink happy hour". "Hell yeah!" he thinks, "I'm going to have some drinks, have a grand old time".
The place is flooded by underage kids. He's at the back of the line and these kids are just ordering Shirley Temple after Shirley temple. After hours and hours of waiting he finally manages to push his way to the front of the line and orders a double rum and coke. Thinking the bartender would be happy to see someone ordering a real drink he jokes, "What's wrong with kids these days? When i was their age I snuck into bars and got MESSED UP."
The bartender doesn't respond, just goes back to serving watered down Shirley temples to the patrons. For months this goes on, he doesn't even bother going in any more, but when he peeks his head in all he sees are kids ordering Shirley Temples.
One day things are different though, the bar is having a contest "Make the best drink, win a prize!". This could be fun, at the very least he'll show the punks what a real drink is. So the man enters the bar and makes a respectable drink names it the "Good ol' Times", strong as hell, a drinkers drink. Certainly the bartender would judge this highly, looking around he saw only a few other actual drinks, the kiddies were making variations of Shirley temples. The time for judging came, all the winning drinks were Shirley Temples. WTF!?, the man stormed out in disgust, "I need a f*cking smoke he thinks" and heads to the back of the bar and lights one up. Some of the other drink makers were out back too.
"What a load of garbage" the man says to one of the teens having a smoke, "those winning drinks were terrible".
"Yeah, I agree, I tasted your drink it was really pretty damned good"
"Yours too man"
"My younger brother was one of the winners. He got to talk to the bartender after he won, told him he couldn't award a winner to a drink with alcohol in it."
"Balls"
"Yep"
So the man left the bar and vowed never to go back, wondering how the hell the place would ever turn a profit.
Ever since they'd been bought out by the larger chain the place just f*cking sucks.
Jim Raynor, Tychus Findlay, and Zeratul sit in Raynor's favorite bar. Nobody notices, but Zeratul is actually sitting in a seat next to Raynor. Tychus grabs a drink and walks over and tries to sit down, but sits on Zeratul.
Zeratul: Doh!
Tychus: What'd?
Raynor: I didn't say anything.
Tychus: This seat feels kinda cushined
Zeratul pushes tychus off and leaves the seat.
Raynor: What are you doing down there?
Tychus: Is this some kinda joke? You pushed me off the seat!
Raynor: Just sit down. I don't want to argue.
Tychus: Hmm...this seat feels shorter than I remembered.
Zeratul: *Facepalm*
Later*
Raynor: And the Marine says to the Zergling, "What's up dawg?"
Tychus: Heh...that's a little amusing. Surely you got somethin better...
Raynor: Alright...
Zeratul: *Mindspeaks* Raynor
Raynor: Zeratul...?
Tychus: Zeratul? What kinda joke is that!?!
Raynor: Hold on...
Raynor gets up and bumps into Zeratul and falls on the table and also knocks over tychus's drink.
Tychus: Hey! What the heck! You know, something's wrong with you, and I'm gonna fix it.
Tychus swings a punch. Raynor dodges. Zeratul (Still cloaked) grabs and hold Tychus down until he stops struggling. Zeratul uncloaks. Nearly everyone gasps.
Raynor: Are you the one that keeps causing all the fights?
Zeratul: *Mindspeaks Out Loud* Sorry Raynor. I was going to speak with you, when this human sat on me.
A Zargling and an Overlord sit at a bar..... errrr sit and hover. A marine comes up and says, "hey, thats the overlord the was dumping creep on me!." Then the ovelord replayed, "GO AWAY OR ELSE." Mocking, the Marine said "What can you do?" Angry, the overlord yelled, "O MY FCKING GOOD!!! WHY DOSE NO ONE FREAKING REALISE ZERG ARN'T SENTAIT CREATERS AND THERE ALL JUST CONTROLLED BY OVERLORDS, AND HIGHER UPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN JUST SEND THE SWARM ON YOU YOU IDIOIT."
So, 3 banelings walk into a protoss bar. Out of nowhere a mysterious voice says, "Would you like a drink?" The banelings, not able to see the caller, burrow, when the voice says, "I see you... Im comin for you..." The 1st baneling explodes himself, covering an invisible figure in green acid. the Protoss melts, and his final words were, "you better cut me some slack..." the second baneling gets up and walks over to the owner of the bar, an archon. He asks " what types of bartenders are here?" the archon responds. "Who told you this was a bar???" the Baneling says, "the overlord floating by your base..." "Ahhhh. They sent you in here to die then..." "wtf?" "they needed more supply and why would they use banelings against a protoss air army? By the way this is a sacred shrine...."
A marine, a drone and a zealot are all sitting at the bar. The marine grabs his glass of whiskey, skulls it down, throws the glass in the air and shoots it with his gun! The other 2 are shocked asking "Why'd you do that?" He responds "Hell on my planet of Earth, we've got so much sand, we can afford to waste glass!" They sit back down, when the drone picks up his cup made of rock with creep in it and crunches it between his teeth. "Heh, we have so much rock on my planet of Char, we can afford to waste it!" So just before they all sit back down, the Zealot stabs the drone, picks it up and flings it across the room. "What the hell was that for!?" Asked the marine.
The zealot responds "Well on my home planet of Auir..."
@ChicagoShadow: Go
xD Nice. An Immortal walks into a bar. If it wasn't for his hardened shields, it probably would have hurt.
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A collosus walks over a bar...
A zealot walks into a bar and orders an expensive beer, and then remembers his anatomy...
I know, mine arent that good...
Dustin browder walks into a bar and starts a fight with an Ultralisk. He gets quickly beaten. A week later he picks fight with the same Ultralisk, but only suffers 1 point of damage. When asked how he did it he replied 'Ultralisks needed a nerf. How else was I meant to deal Terrible terrible Damage to zerg?'
Pretty rubbish, and not really a bar joke. Meh.
I read one in the US battlenet forums which I found pretty funny:
A marine walks into the bar.
Surprised, he looks around and asks the barkeeper "Where's the counter?"
A barkeeper replies "There is no counter!"
For those who're not familiar with the US forum junk: There marine is generally considered imba by the Zerg fanboys. They say he has no direct counter.
no no no
A dude walks by his newly renovated favorite bar, sign says "All you can drink happy hour". "Hell yeah!" he thinks, "I'm going to have some drinks, have a grand old time".
The place is flooded by underage kids. He's at the back of the line and these kids are just ordering Shirley Temple after Shirley temple. After hours and hours of waiting he finally manages to push his way to the front of the line and orders a double rum and coke. Thinking the bartender would be happy to see someone ordering a real drink he jokes, "What's wrong with kids these days? When i was their age I snuck into bars and got MESSED UP."
The bartender doesn't respond, just goes back to serving watered down Shirley temples to the patrons. For months this goes on, he doesn't even bother going in any more, but when he peeks his head in all he sees are kids ordering Shirley Temples.
One day things are different though, the bar is having a contest "Make the best drink, win a prize!". This could be fun, at the very least he'll show the punks what a real drink is. So the man enters the bar and makes a respectable drink names it the "Good ol' Times", strong as hell, a drinkers drink. Certainly the bartender would judge this highly, looking around he saw only a few other actual drinks, the kiddies were making variations of Shirley temples. The time for judging came, all the winning drinks were Shirley Temples. WTF!?, the man stormed out in disgust, "I need a f*cking smoke he thinks" and heads to the back of the bar and lights one up. Some of the other drink makers were out back too.
"What a load of garbage" the man says to one of the teens having a smoke, "those winning drinks were terrible". "Yeah, I agree, I tasted your drink it was really pretty damned good" "Yours too man" "My younger brother was one of the winners. He got to talk to the bartender after he won, told him he couldn't award a winner to a drink with alcohol in it." "Balls" "Yep"
So the man left the bar and vowed never to go back, wondering how the hell the place would ever turn a profit.
Ever since they'd been bought out by the larger chain the place just f*cking sucks.
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Your mother is so fat, she needs 2 motherships to get cloaked.
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Curse PremiumJim Raynor, Tychus Findlay, and Zeratul sit in Raynor's favorite bar. Nobody notices, but Zeratul is actually sitting in a seat next to Raynor. Tychus grabs a drink and walks over and tries to sit down, but sits on Zeratul.
Zeratul: Doh!
Tychus: What'd?
Raynor: I didn't say anything.
Tychus: This seat feels kinda cushined
Zeratul pushes tychus off and leaves the seat.
Raynor: What are you doing down there?
Tychus: Is this some kinda joke? You pushed me off the seat!
Raynor: Just sit down. I don't want to argue.
Tychus: Hmm...this seat feels shorter than I remembered.
Zeratul: *Facepalm*
Raynor: And the Marine says to the Zergling, "What's up dawg?"
Tychus: Heh...that's a little amusing. Surely you got somethin better...
Raynor: Alright...
Zeratul: *Mindspeaks* Raynor
Raynor: Zeratul...?
Tychus: Zeratul? What kinda joke is that!?!
Raynor: Hold on...
Raynor gets up and bumps into Zeratul and falls on the table and also knocks over tychus's drink.
Tychus: Hey! What the heck! You know, something's wrong with you, and I'm gonna fix it.
Tychus swings a punch. Raynor dodges. Zeratul (Still cloaked) grabs and hold Tychus down until he stops struggling. Zeratul uncloaks. Nearly everyone gasps.
Raynor: Are you the one that keeps causing all the fights?
Zeratul: *Mindspeaks Out Loud* Sorry Raynor. I was going to speak with you, when this human sat on me.
A Zargling and an Overlord sit at a bar..... errrr sit and hover. A marine comes up and says, "hey, thats the overlord the was dumping creep on me!." Then the ovelord replayed, "GO AWAY OR ELSE." Mocking, the Marine said "What can you do?" Angry, the overlord yelled, "O MY FCKING GOOD!!! WHY DOSE NO ONE FREAKING REALISE ZERG ARN'T SENTAIT CREATERS AND THERE ALL JUST CONTROLLED BY OVERLORDS, AND HIGHER UPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN JUST SEND THE SWARM ON YOU YOU IDIOIT."
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So, 3 banelings walk into a protoss bar. Out of nowhere a mysterious voice says, "Would you like a drink?" The banelings, not able to see the caller, burrow, when the voice says, "I see you... Im comin for you..." The 1st baneling explodes himself, covering an invisible figure in green acid. the Protoss melts, and his final words were, "you better cut me some slack..." the second baneling gets up and walks over to the owner of the bar, an archon. He asks " what types of bartenders are here?" the archon responds. "Who told you this was a bar???" the Baneling says, "the overlord floating by your base..." "Ahhhh. They sent you in here to die then..." "wtf?" "they needed more supply and why would they use banelings against a protoss air army? By the way this is a sacred shrine...."
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